Friday 27 September 2013

Writing and me

"Writing" is the matter of writing , a way to present discourse , a way of expressing love,a way of presenting ideas between people .Such definitions are seen everywhere but I could not explore out the exact meaning of writing.Once I got to read a theory that said "there is no exact signified of each signifier,so no real meaning can be pointed out".My focus is also going on same track,unaware about contemporary news I just hang out through Facebook to derive the meanings out of  the statuses presented by various people.

Sometimes I feel absolutely empty , I close my eyes and tries to search the value of " truth" , try to locate" truth" in my mind but fails to do.Even I pasted in Facebook to explore the exact definition of" truth" but that also went in vain.The various definitions were made but could not satisfy me I felt the ghost of Derrida had me caught from everywhere.
The exact scenario of Nepal is very confusing ,there has been various news about the then "society " how it has been changing throughout the time. Eventually my small baby’s cry makes me out of concentration but still I try to locate myself , I try to write something but the bottom of deletion controls me contentiously. There are various medias which enhances the writing skills but I fails to grab the opportunity because "inability to do something is my feature",as I am a "fool"  in reality who does not have comprehension power to understand the thought of Plato , Aristotle and kept watching the faces of lecturer in colleges while they deliver the package of information in class.

So,writing became a challenge to me ,my madness could not help me to learn something ,the disaster of being ignorant never leaves me anywhere  and the definition of " writing"  also made a way to my downfall as I always have been a " fool" .

There has been problems in products of Noodles's company which shocked the public and made them turn to local food , the problem of bird flu also exist here which made people turn towards red meat and fish,even the article about 13 girls made captive in Shantinagar Bhatti of Kathmandu  problematizes the rule of law in Kathmandu Valley and it's writing which collected these news in Gorkhapatra which enables me to learn these facts .

The various publication house in Kathmandu and other places makes a panorama how the world is connected through writing and I found hanging around them because "writing" attracts me towards it but  proves me a "fool ".Salute to "writing"and salute to" my foolishness" makes me able to write something everything.

Friday 20 September 2013

Madness

Madness
is my life
is own song
I love it
I feel it


The sweet little airy moth
questions me here
her madness is
not like me

I love your smile
I love your talk
There is the flowery shop
For me so scratcheable
unwanted as you said
remains questioning me

The housing colony
with triangle shape
hurts me innerly
as I am mad
madness is me
madness is mine

You are a sane
and me insane
it's your world dear
with flowery fabrics
my remains dark

rounding around circles
I get lost
no meaning
no songs of lark
its disastreous
its pain
its sad
its dusky
and that is me dear

Pregnancy



She is pregnant 
lied on bed
me standing behind her
is she fine dear

womanism 
feminism
are still here
asking same
is she safe


her inner heart 
are rarely asked
does she want love
worries of figure
she wears tops and jeans 
do you know these things dear





the belly has big 
large
a woman
with 
a balloon in her
the unknown life is
remains with her 

Zero

It's me
a person of zero
 with no definition
with no identity
with no shape
 and no proper arrangements
My question regarding
 my existence
 is unavoidable

me madhouse
with the
horn of sadness
somewhere
unstability
fetches me
to threaten myself
as the snakes does



Sunday 15 September 2013

Distinction and reality



Damini

Damini's soul got peace today; her murderers got punishment of their sin. It seems there is justice. It was seventeen December 2012 ,there was the news on star news and Aajtak ,how she was brought to hospital, she was raped mercilessly and was left to die, day by day her condition was being pathetic, she wanted to live and to  be a doctor. During the walk from office to home, everywhere discussions were held about Damini, as working woman in Delhi I can understand any woman in Delhi may need to walk out from house ,to  ride the  bus anytime you need it. We forget that “Delhi is unsafe for woman”? Delhi, a city of crowd could not save Damini, there were around 598 rape cases in December month, I felt very sad when I used to return from office , seeing people with the lamps on the road,  even the slogans in India gate could not save Damini and no  rape cases were discontinued anywhere. Any way, Damini’s soul got peace, one nazir is made for the upcoming cases that brutality isnt excusable, a fast track court order has assured a slight hope for justice for the womanhood. May such justice will be noticed in other cases of the court .

Lujaki


Diasporic voice, Feminist voice, Marxist voice were meaningless to her existence, being exhaust of the pain of living in abroad never made her happy by heart  .She left own city to earn a lot but got engaged in wrong track, she seems mysterious but she is ruined .She never tried to learn own language. Her name was Lujaki ,a non Nepali name she put for herself so may sound non-Nepalese beautified herself ,she pretended to be innocent, she sang a slogan of poverty to show she is victimized which was never true .She saved money in her name, a lot of earning opportunity  were available  to her, she never spend a penny for anyone but to prove herself as kind she dressed as a “ saint”. “Do you Manglu had been bringing egg bread to you.",her mom shouted her. “Take clothes “the feriwala shouted and she ran outside, the markets of Sarojini Nagar were always full of customers and she regularly visited there. the city Bangkok made her more crazy.It was her delicacy to be "lujaki.."she loved of being lujaki,Janapenese Tsunami never disturbed ,even Beaurocracy could not made her happy ,she was advocate of "freedom" and her advocacy was meaningless. The fragmented psyche in her made her crueler, she tried to love someone but failed to do so.

Friday 6 September 2013

Teej

Teej came and I began to look for some red colored dress here and mom invited some sisters to gather at home to have food at home. I was speechless and asked mom about Teej and she told “Teej a festival of women, is celebrated in remembrance of Goddess Parvati who desired to marry Lord Shiva” .The first day of teej in this today ,we are planning to assemble at one  place in own finest dress and start dancing singing songs related to different experiences in our life which are associated to issues like maternal home, social problems and news related to women . Amidst all this, the grand feast takes place. The jollity often goes on till midnight, after which the 24 hour fast starts. I tried to explore the magazines like Saptahik,Nari and other social medias but the news about “Teej” covered the writings .Even face book has been filled up with the red dressed ladies who are introducing the essence of teej from the space they stand. Even one of my friend had sent me message his son has been going to home to have teej celebration at village and the guy remarked the same.
The preparation of teej has been appeared in markets too.The markets are full of ladies who are too busy in purchase of related items of teej and I also tried to collect necessary items.Usually ladies focus on make up items to be beautify themselves and the used of red saree ,tikas and green poet makes the Nepalese ladies so beautiful and while dancing in mid of other ladies they seem alike and it seems community of similar ladies.
One of my facebook from New Delhi pasted the status “Individual commitment to a group effort -- that is what makes a team work, a company work, a society work, a civilization work, without involvement, there is no commitment. Mark it down, asterisk it, circle it, underline it.” I commented “You are right ,the commitment is most essential from family to society .It is the charm of relationship whether they are familial ,official and social ,we are human beings are attached to each other. Absolutely, it's blood of an organization which leads to progress in short time by bringing drastic change in the environment”. His saying made me compel to think about teej too and the teej celebration reminds same sort of unification for family progress and welfare of society. The news of being strike in Kathmandu and other 6 districts made some people shock and sad which made me also confused whether strike should be allowed in such condition where many people are engaged of Teej celebration. Dad said” the strike is taken back” and I again became confused why the reporters forget to spread the news on time.
Tomorrow is the second and the day of fasting,women around Kathmandu and other areas of Nepal will gather in Shiva Temple and worship the different statues  . At the Shiva temple, women circumambulate the Shiva Linga, the symbol of the lord, offering flowers, sweets and coins. The main puja (religious ceremony) takes place with offerings of flowers, fruits, etc.,there by standing in a que managed in the temple. The important part of the puja is the oil lamp which should be alight throughout the night.
Most of the women in Kathmandu will gather in Pashupatinath and worship him .Even they gather in Basantpur and Bhrikutimandap and enjoy the dancing programs.I still remember when I was a student of Bachelor I never leave any chance to visit Bhrikutimandap and Basantpur with friends after being dressed up in beautiful sarees and ornaments.One of my friend called me and asked me to visit the village where I spent my childhood,there is a temple named “ Baba Bard Goriya “ which has a historical value in the area and the temple committee  opens a contract for teej celebration ,where interested business group organizes a fair around the temple location and manages the teej competition there and the winner group is  provided the essential prize.It is all known I was very dull in everything ,lazy in all activities ,my face and voice never helped me to participate in such beautiful competition but I never missed to see my beautiful friends participating there and observed the festival .

Last year also teej came we enjoyed food at home,we came to know the festival celebration in Okhla ,New Delhi and gathered there with family, it was raining and the arrangement was also nice .I stood near the stage and peeped the scenario, the women were dancing rapidly in group ,it was collective force of devotee women in love of their husband .
I remember one song which I really like to mention here, although I have no good voice and memory,I know it’s a description  of an orange tree around the house ,“Dailamuniko suntalako biruwaFalera fulera dali jhapakkai “ .Even the songs on “Television “and “you tube about teej in Nepal “ ,”uploaded in facebook” are making this celebration more known around the world and I began to be confused why cultural values for some people appears as shame ,I remember some people never mention their own Nepaliness in abroad and present themselves as native .Religious values are made to unite people and it is essential to introduce own culture and stands for it so “unification of religions” is possible.
Actually the clash of civilization also stands due to the feeling of “otherness” in the name of economic status, religion ,geographical and social values.
The aura of being “ other” never leaves any one in happiness infact it makes people unhappy,lonely and rebel so voice of inclusion in the name of gender ,class,status,race,ethnicity has been social need and the festival of teej carries the voice of unification through it’s songs of liberation ,social change and appeal for better lives.The “redness “ of the sarees women wear makes me feel they are energetic ,courageous ,bold in nature and knows the value of unity as red color has been  a color of unity here as it unites husband and wife in the name of “ sindur and marriage” ,it unites family members in the name of “blood “  and unites winners as teams as “ tilak”.
Mom began to describe me various things about Rishi Panchami, my mom is a religion persona and has a lot of knowledge about the books like Mahabharat,Ramayan,Geeta ,and different purans like Garurh Puran and Shivapuran and her  mythological characters became my idea of viewing the statues around the temples .
She says, “ the third day of the festival is Rishi Panchami. After the completion of the previous day's puja, women pay homage to various deities and bathe with red mud found on the roots of the sacred datiwan bush, along with its leaves. This act of purification is the final ritual of Teej, after which women are considered absolved from all their sins”. I never did but I was the mute audience of this ritual where mom deed every activities very carefully in supervision of priest.
After all ,teej came and is giving us the message to be loved and love everybody and I also wish people to be happy in the celebration of teej by ignoring unnecessary pretension and artificiality .